Motorcar Diaries :P

Studying in IIT, and supposedly being groomed to be an A-class automotive engineer (which, by the way, I am definitely not going to be, in fact, far away from it), I had to at least try and impress upon people that I was doing something along that direction. 

Not at all technically inclined, with only an exclusively theoretical love for maths and science, I usually have no idea of what to do in a lab, any lab. Mostly, I end up lapping up the theory, chat up tips from the class brains, angelically smile at the T.A*’s and concoct fluky answers at the finals, in short, somehow scrape through. Practical work was, is and will always be (I guessL) a tough nut to crack for me.

But this time though, I had no way out. Core courses and labs were coming up after hols, and almost all of them dealt with the main course subject, cars. (Oh great.)
I had to get acquainted with cars, one way or the other. Leave alone disassembling the engine and drooling over the parts like most of my classmates, man, I had to at least learn and drive one.

My dad was apparently waiting for this day to arrive, I guess, what with being the only child and all, I was the sole one to be counted upon, you know, to take over the dreaded driving duties. “Finally I can peacefully lean back with an iPod while YOU take us on all our road trips”, he wickedly grinned, waggling his eyebrows.

So, obviously, as soon as I requested, a pleasantly balding, pot-bellied ‘driver-mama’ was popped out of nowhere, who would allegedly wrench me into “one heck of a driver”.

 Or so he thought.

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At first, it was just fine. The ‘mama’ opened up the bonnet of our car and pompously pointed out and named few parts. I was happily nodding and questioning, in my element, as usual, while in a class-like aura. My head jerked to a stop midway, all of a sudden, when I saw that the car door was being held open for me to have my debut ride. “Oh, no need, mama, we can start tomorrow. I’m quite the slooow learner, you see...” I tried to back off. But my pitiful pleas were waved aside by a big bellied ‘Santa Claus’ laugh from driver mama, and my first lesson began.

I blinked my eyes at all the myriad levers and buttons, ones which I have been chancing across the side seat for years. But now, about to employ them, I felt that usual blankness envelope me, the numbness when encountered with machines.

So that was why I was here, staring helplessly at the steering wheel, big drops of sweat dripping down my forehead, swallowing deep breaths as if I was going to bungee jump off a cliff or something, while ‘driver-mama’ was trying to egg me on to turn that wretched key. With one twist, I bobbed up and down like a damn Jack-in-the-box, as the vehicle gave a huge rumble.

Oh man, this was a BAD idea.

And that, my friends, was going to be THE understatement of the century.

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For the next hour, I was sending poor ‘driver-mama’ ricocheting back and forth, as I braked and throttled, almost pulling the steering out in the process, and the gears were groaning by the incessant, merciless shifting. That poor man was screaming his throat hoarse, asking me to brake, shift and clutch all at the same time. By the finale, I had expertly bumped down two to three of the H-posts, almost went headlong into the old banyan, before ‘mama’ pulled at the steering, so instead, we settled on banging down few bricks of the compound wall. Needless to say, by the end of it, both of us were screaming out really loud. (Well, it was mostly me. ;) He was just going “Clu..Shif..Kuttiii**..braaaaake.!!”)

By the time I actually managed to bring the car to a halt, unfortunate ‘driver mama’ was literally pulling at his hair in pure anguish. God, I almost felt sorrier for the guy, when I saw his thoroughly shaken-up state. But then again, seeing my dad fuming up to a vague shade of burgundy up at the far-end, I realised that the situation was spelling out to be far more dismal for me.

Just Swell. :/

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You know, the funny part is, after all this drama, due to strengthened efforts of “driver mama” (who is now, btw, a dear old friend :)) for many MANY days, I actually did learn to drive quite passably! And even managed to earn myself a license! (Oh, I still brag about that one :D)

And, surprisingly, I wasn’t even grounded for that long, you know, considering that I ended up practically demolishing our car.. ;)

Dad’s ‘preciousss~’, our Santro, had to have a complete body servicing done, for her to recuperate from my, to put it easy, “bumpy” first drive. You see, he had foresightedly switched my motoring exercise to the rickety driving-school hand-me-down after that fateful day. :P

And the best part, my dad finally stopped trying to push the car keys into my hand before road-trips!! :D Quoting from him, “I really do not want to risk my life expectancy, and especially, my car again, at least, when I can still move my limbs.” :P

Oh well, what can I say dad, it’s your wish. ;)

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Ps: Of course, everything’s a wee bit exaggerated! :D You guys can trust me with your cars, really! ;)

Mama- Uncle in Malayalam

*: Teaching Assistants **: ‘child’ in Malayalam ~Like Sméagol’s ring in LOTR ;)